From a Counselor's Heart

Can Poetry Save Your Marriage?

2009-10-27T17:18:00.000-05:00

Poetry has been the language of romance for centuries, but that's not really my point here today. A few years ago, I wrote a little rhyme to express an important facet of the marriage relationship. Most couples come to counseling because one or both of the partners don't like the way the other partner is treating him or her. Working with a couple can be quite complicated, but it often comes down to behaviors that hurt. So I was thinking about that and this popped into my head:

If next to me is the best place to be,

You'll always be next to me.

If next to you is the best place, too,

I'll always be next to you.

What am I doing that makes "next to me the best place to be?" That's a question that points directly to how I treat my wife every day and how she treats me. Any of us can be pleasant for a day or a few days, but consistent loving behavior is an essential part of a healthy relationship.

If your marriage is struggling, honestly look at how you make living with you the best place to be.

Why I've started this blog

2009-10-21T12:14:00.000-05:00

I've been helping and serving people for 30+ years. I have started to think about retirement. I'll be okay with not going into the office, but I will still want to help others. I've started doing some writing and plan on publishing books. In addition, I'm learning about blogs. Blogging seems to be a way to provide help without having to put on a tie. On my schedule, in my own way. As people find me and offer comments and ask questions, a nice resource site could develop. I'll have a place to share the things I know that has helped clients over a 30 year career. And readers/commentors can toss out a question or concern and see what comes back from me and others. And where else are you going to get 3 decades of experiences of what works and what doesn't for free?

Speaking of free--When I set this up, I clicked the button that allows Google ads and you are free to ignore them or click them or complain or whatever.

If I can figure out how to do it, I will probably add a section of my books, workbooks, talks, & videos as I produce some. I imagine I'll charge whatever the going rate is for stuff like that. But this is not going to be a big commerce site. Over the next few months and years, I want this to become resource for making life better for as many people as I can.

What to do next - Depression pt. 2

2009-10-21T11:42:00.000-05:00

When you have begun to identify what in your life is depressing you, then begin to use problem solving to figure out how to resolve each of these. This is not always easy to do. Depression steals away energy and motivation. Working with a counselor or an accountability partner will help you to stay on track and establish small, do-able steps. Feelings don't fall out of the sky. They come from what's going on in our lives and how we think about ourselves.

What is your depression telling you?

2009-10-20T09:43:00.000-05:00

One way to think about depression is to view it as a symptom rather than a problem. Of course, it is a problem, but I have learned that depression usually points to something else. If a client says he's depressed, I often ask, "So, what's depressing you?" The response (money, spouse, job, children, etc.) give us a place to begin.